faded feelings
by bluepixie.shua
Summary: what? there's a scar on ran's left wrist? why? was it just an accident? will it be ever possible for shinichi to leave ran? well...click on for more details..


Faded Feelings (Detective Conan Fanfic)  
hey guys.. i can't really get enough of writing one shots..i really apologize for not updating my past fics earlier..i'm really having a hard time to think of a longer chapter.. well anyway, i promise to update ASAP!! by the way, this is another one shot from me..another spoiler for the shinichiXxXran tandem..wish you would like the story..i apologize again for shinichiXran fans, i also fancy them too, but i really used them for breaking up..anyway, please enjoy my latest fic..drop me reviews guys!! arigatou!!xD

it was back then when shinichi was the reason why i got this scar on my left wrist. this time, i'm with myself, still thinking what made shinichi do these things to me. even for now, killing myself is the only escape i have, but many people and even destiny stops me from escaping my miserable life. if only i haven't loved him. if only i haven't met him. what could my life have been if i haven't given my whole life to him.

it was then our sixth month celebration, we decided to eat outside and cherish the half year we had spent together.  
"ran, what would my baby like to eat? my treat!" shinichi offered, tucking his polo in his jacket.  
"oh shinichi! how sweet of you to prepare a candle light dinner and it's all your treat. i hope you don't spend too much.." ran said, embracing her shinichi and forcing herself to not cry because of her sheer happiness.  
"easy ran, the fun doesn't stop here!" shinichi said, getting something from his school case. it's a rectangular box and he handed it to ran.  
"and now what is this shinichi? don't tell me it's a.." ran cutted upon seeing the content of shinichi's gift. it was a silver necklace with a heart as a pendant and at the back of it was written the initials of ran and shinichi.  
"happy sixth month my baby!" shinichi smiled at her, offered a hug and eventually kissed her forehead. ran just cried, tears of joy, so surprised on what happened that day. maybe this is her best day, and she hopes that this'll last forever. but really, there is no permanent thing in the world.

two weeks have passed since our sixth month celebration, we started talking less to each other. i don't even know what's happening to us. a gap started sprouting between us. i tried talking to him about this, but all he always said was everything's alright. and after that, everything's back to that stupid thing again. i feel so uncomfortable. i tried asking him out one time but he refused, told me that he had a case to solve. i agreed but depression got into me. i started crying that night, for an unknown reason. does he still love me as much as i do? these questions filled my mind. if back then i have certain answers, now the answers look so vague. i can't accept the fact that he really doesn't like me now. how did i know? well, it started when i asked him one night.

"shinichi, could i ask you a question?" ran asked and sighed.  
"sure ran, why not?" shinichi answered "do you still feel anything for me"  
"i think so..yeah.. still concerned.." shinichi said, looking at the other direction "oh really?.." ran uttered.. she held back her tears. she was scared to ask another question that she might regret asking in the end.

this lasted for a month. finally at campus, an unexpected day came. after classes, ran sat outside, waiting for her friends, and then saw shinichi leave the school with his own set of friends. she sighed, knowing that everything has changed between them. at last, sonoko came and walked towards ran.

"so ran, how you doin'?" sonoko asked "oh sonoko! what's really between shinichi and i? i can't handle it anymore!" ran answered, looking so bothered.  
"uhmm...ran, you know, i've been thinking of telling you this for a long time.." sonoko said, biting her lower lip.  
"now what is it sonoko"  
"it's about what shinichi feels for you.." sonoko whispered, then ran stared at her blankly "you do know by now that your relationship has changed, right?" sonoko continued "well he tried asking for my help.. he asked me, what if he likes somebody else now?..i didn't have the courage to answer, so i kept quiet. and just yesterday, i heard his friends telling each other that they all pity you. i got curious and asked them out why, and what they told me was..." sonoko paused, unable to continue "sonoko, what happened? please tell me..i'm really having a hard time knowing what to do, so please continue..if you're scared that your story might hurt me, ignore it. you'll hurt me more if you don't continue. ." ran cried, pleading for the truth, sonoko was helpless..she have no choice but to just continue on with her story.  
"if that's what you want..well then, they they told me that shinichi doubts his feelings for you. and he is starting to like somebody else now.." sonoko sighed, her words echoed around ran's mind.

after that day, i encountered many sleepless nights. these words are still playing on my head. i couldn't believe that i would hear such things about shinichi. maybe this is the right time to end my pain and suffering. i gathered up my courage and called him. i asked him first all i want to know and confirm all i've heard from anyone around me. it was like stupid to know that i felt that i was the only one who doesn't know what's going on. or maybe, i knew all of it, i just couldn't accept it. it's all so hard to swallow. after that call, as i put down the phone, i went straight to my room and cried. cried as hard as i can. at last i know the true reason why i felt the need to cry, behind all of my falling tears. it was a relief to know everything, the truth, but really the truth hurts, that's why my tears fell, like there's no more tomorrow left for them to flow. the morning after, the day i prayed that would never come came. sonoko told me some things that my physical self could handle to hide, but my emotions couldn't hold any longer. everything has it's limits you know. "ran, he told me his feelings towards you had faded..what a jerk! i can't believe that he did that so easily.." sonoko furiously said "it's okay sonoko, i know that by know..just let him, it's not his fault that i didn't take care of our relationship that much" ran said, smiling a fake one.  
"really? do you also know that he really fell for the girl he likes?" sonoko said, she wasn't watching her words too carefully..ran was slightly shocked, but pretended to know it and just told her "yeah..don't get me wrong..we just talked about that last week." then she smiled and chuckled. it's really hard to hide her true emotions. hours later, she sat by a shrub on her vacant time, she saw a white flower and it reminded her the first bouquet that shinichi handed to her. all their happy days came back to her. just then, her tears came storming in her face, streaming down her cheek one at a time and a tear landed on the white flower she just picked, like a dew in the early morning. her tears moistened the flower, it was a good way to replenish a flower's beauty but it drains her all over. her pure tears were falling continuously, freely, unstoppable..a sign of the end of their relationship, even of her whole being refuses her decision. she doesn't want to be selfish. she thought that it would be better if they had to take on separated paths. they got used to it anyway, a life without each other and of solitude.

it was a hard choice for me though. to choose between the one i want, and what would do me better. it wasn't my choice to really release him from my arms because i don't like him. it's just he doesn't need me anymore. it was the right decision for us, that's what i'm always putting in mind. i shouldn't be selfish to still get a grip of him even if he's unhappy. if i would go for what i want, i wouldn't let him go. but i always thought of what will make him happier, even if it leaves me dying at times that i think about the past. this lasted for hours, days, weeks..it stopped me from sleeping soundly and doing my tasks. i became quiet, always staring at darkness. when i reconstruct myself, i'll just sigh. this has been a habit for me. i would like to change myself and suddenly, a shining thing struck my soul. it was calling my name and asking me to hold it tightly and i just did unconcoiusly. i just smiled and another teardrop fell, but i wasn't crying, i just landed on my feet. when i opened my eyes after that, a white atmosphere surprised me. a flower was near me and i was lying down. i thought i was dead and i closed my eyes again. then i heard, "ran, wake up ran!!" it was daddy's voice who was calling i opened my eyes and saw my father, he told me that he found me lying down at my room with my wrist bleeding. i must've been trying to have a suicide when i was hallucinating in the dark. i cried as i looked at my wrist and how near i was on dying and living in the other world.  
"i was worried ran! why'd you do that for?" daddy asked i just smiled and embraced my daddy as tight as i can. now i know that i haven't lost the one who loved me most and the one who'll never leave me for who i am. my scar reminds me of two men in my life, my daddy and that stupid guy shinichi. i still love them both you know, they both taught me how to love. the difference is, the way they ended up in teaching me.

that's all guys!! wasn't that unpredictable? i was just shocked that i made a daddy's girl ending..'coz i couln't think of a far more better ending..well anyway, i have no intention of returning their relationship back..;p shinichi did a bad thing and it'll make anybody think that their relationship will not work out.. well anyway, thanks for reading.. please drop me a review.. told you ranXshinichi fans, i'm a realtionship spoiler..i apologize.. anyway, have a nice day and please be patiently kind to wait for my updates and latest one shots.. well, see you soon..ja ne!!xD 


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